That La Kid

wishin' an' hopin'!

235.4

15 POUNDS!!!

Verifiable.  Unverifiable, maybe as much as 25 lbs.  I’m SO elated to have quit bouncing around the 238-240 mark.

And the kicker, like the icing on the cake is that I feel GREAT.

We’re heading to WDW to celebrate my 30th birthday this weekend, and I’m already packed.  Bruce’s 1st Birthday invitations should go out as soon as we get back (or I could take them to Fl. and have them post marked Walt Disney World) and they’re already designed.  Printing will probably be an all-day thing, but I’ve got TWO DAYS ’til we leave that won’t be full of packing/preparing for this trip.

Plus, I ordered most of the pieces of my outfit for a steampunk wedding that I’m going to next month, and they all fit.  It’s really starting to come together.

Maybe I shouldn’t be disclosing my weight.  Hm.  OR!  Maybe weight, like age, is just a crappy number.  I mean, society can judge me by that.  That’s fine.  But that’s not who I am.  And, I mean, really, as I’ve said before, you can get all in a huff about that number, but it’s not like I can hide it.  I wear my shame around my body every day.  And yeah, I am ashamed of it.  A lot of “husky” folks may not be, but I am.  I feel super uncomfortable in my own skin.   I’m always tugging at my clothes and hiding behind other people in pictures and leaning on walls at parties.  That’s not to say that I will feel more at home my thinner skin, but when I was thinner back in the day, I was more comfortable.

I’m suddenly addicted to Simple and Fit Veggie Omelets from IHOP made with egg whites, mushrooms and spinach.

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not saying anything, but…

I don’t know how long it’s been since I complained reported about the weight loss deal.

I’m not saying anything… I’m just saying that I haven’t worn this in a really long time. Hopefully this is just the beginning of the, “Holy crap! I can’t believe this fits!” moments.

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my weight trend

Sooo… I’ve been REALLY bummed out since we got home from Virginia for multiple reasons. For starters, I had the best time with Mom, Uncle Haley, Great Auntie Cray Cray and Do-Something Sunny. The best. It was a long, hard drive home. We didn’t get in until about 6 am. The three of us still haven’t fully recovered. Tom got a whole hour of sleep before he had to go to work, but he was still great yesterday. We had Chipotle, picked up the dog, had her bathed and went to Sam’s to get smoothie stuff.  It was a busy day.

My weight… oh my gosh, my weight. That’s where a lot of my bummed-outness comes from. Before we left, I swear I was down to 236, but it was kind of like the 2 weeks leading up to the CEF deadline when I was in school. I remember Mr. Reese saying, “I don’t know about you guys…” and then talking about his weight being all over the place. I’d been working similarly hard on some illustrations during the week leading up to the reunion. Anyway, when we got back, I was 243. I said, “okay, fine, no big deal. On in two days, off in two.” Here I am in the 7th inning stretch of the second day back home and I am at 239. It’s possible I could wake up at 236, but I highly doubt it. I’m scared to eat something and add weight, I’m scared that if I don’t eat anything my body will go on lock down.

Never mind 50% of what i just said, because Tom just told me it was 238, not 236.  Anyway…

Anyway, I’m reigning in these thoughts and at the same time, entering my weight on MyDailyPlate.com when it hit me:

10 lbs

I lost 10 lbs. in a month.  That has been my goal all along, and holy shit, I’m actually doing it.  I almost typed, “it’s happening,” but then it occurred to me, it’s not just happening to me.  I’m doing it.  The idea is to get rid of fifty pounds by Christmas, almost a hundred by next June 16.

According to whoever decides these things, a BMI over 25 is overweight.  For me to fall into the normal category, I have to be at 154 pounds or less.   If I can hit that mark, I think I’ll actually have lost 105 lbs. total, although I can’t verify that because I was in complete denial at that weight.

If I can keep it off for a year, all kinds of fun things are in store for me, including the most amazing trip to Disney World that I’ve ever taken.  We’ll stay in the best room, go on a fireworks cruise aboard a yacht, tour the Utilidors– basically whatever I want.

It’s going to be tricky.  I suddenly feel in a rush to make babies because I’m 30.  I got a late start.  I wanted to start around 25, and I didn’t get that going until 29.   I’m running a 10k in February, so I’d really like to wait until after that to get pregnant.  Is it worth sacrificing my weight goals to make a little sister for Bruce?  Maybe I could have a “normal” pregnancy, with the kind of weight fluctuations that most women have, and in addition, one without gestational diabetes.

I ordered a corset for a Steam Punk wedding in September.  I hope it fits, I hope it’s not the kind of thing that will be huge on me if I do lose more weight.

We did some grown-up stuff last night, and Tom said that it feels better, closer.

I don’t think of myself as a fat girl.  I think of myself as that healthy, confident girl that I was in college.  Just have to wait for my body to catch up.

The day I graduated high school, this girl came up to me and said that whatever I did, she knew I’d be great.  First, I thought, “okay, is this some kind of nerd outreach program?”  Then, I thought that it was a tremendous amount of pressure.  And here I am 12 years down the road.  What great, amazing thing have I accomplished?  I’m not an acclaimed author/illustrator.  Didn’t make it as an animator.  Maybe this is my big deal.  Maybe this is my great thing.  Maybe I’ll lose 100 lbs. and keep it off for the rest of my life.

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Handsy Grabberton.

Sorry. Just making a note. Don’t want to forget that one.

Also, “do something, Sunny!”

“Knife! Marinara!”

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pearberry

It’s funny, feeling just a smidge lighter on my feet made me want to smell a little less like Warm Vanilla Sugar and a little more like Pearberry.  Bath and Body Works’ Pearberry is what I wore throughout high school.  Then, as I got older, I really wanted to emulate Tom’s friend Susie Iaquinta.  She’s successful/pretty/funny/sweet/smart and a leader that I’d follow anywhere.  We hung out a little bit when I lived with Nathan in 2005, but never became close girlfriends.  Anyway, to me she smelled like Vanilla.  So, as I imagined myself more grown up, I wanted to smell like what I considered was a more grown-up smell.  Anyway, 100 lbs. later, I am tired of smelling like cookies.  I just got out of the shower and was like, “No! Today I will smell like fruit! Like my old self!”  It’s just interesting what is happening psychologically… just in general.

This is my goal!

This is my goal!

Look at my cute little button nose!  I thought I was so hot.

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bloggin’ bloggin’ bloggin’

Tom and I took Bruce and Jasmine for a very unsuccessful walk last night with the new, way cool jogging stroller.  We usually do 5 laps around the big Bridle Trace circle.  Bruce started wailing on lap 1.  He was just really tired.  We were able to pacify him for a while, but Tom ended up taking him home early while I went on lap 3.  I walked up and down our street until I was able to get to 3 miles.

But the jogging stroller was cool.  It has rubber tires.  It’s very difficult to navigate.  For those of you keeping count, it’s Bruce’s 4th stroller.  This one isn’t like the others, though.  It’s basically useless except for running.  I told Tom that I feel bad about having bought 4 strollers, but this one doesn’t really count because it’s just like an exercise toy, or weights or something.  It would be really, really miserable to take this stroller to Disney World.  Or the mall.  Or anywhere really.  I cannot stress enough the inability to steer.

I started reading blogs yesterday of women with PCOS who are trying to conceive.  It dawned on me that my struggles with that might be relevant to someone somewhere on the internets.  So, I went back to my ol’ LiveJournal and collected everything that seemed relevant.  I don’t know how I feel about it.  I like this blog being about life with Bruce.  But at the same time, it IS relevant.  Part of the story is us trying, trying, trying.

So, if you’ve found me today and you’re into that sort of thing, you can search my tags for LJ to find the agonizing pre-baby ovarian cyst stuff.

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good day

Bruce is napping, Judge Judy is on, and it’s a good day. 

Last night, we jogged and then when we got home Tom served me a hard-boiled farm fresh egg (after much research about how many eggs are okay) and kale-berry smoothie.  This morning, I woke up back on track with my weight.  I think we have to walk every day.  

We also had a good heart to heart on the walk breaks during the jog.  Tom said, “You know, I don’t care if I don’t lose one pound.  My blood pressure is going down, and that’s priceless.  The more we do this, the less chance of me having a heart attack.” 

He’s right. 

This morning, we found out a local consignment shop, Once Upon a Child (NEVER go there), are complete scoundrels.  I should have heeded the reviews that I saw when I checked in on Foursquare.  It’s not about, “oh, they don’t know what my stuff is worth.”  We were going to take the junk to Goodwill, but I figured what the heck.  Even if I come away with $5, that’s more than nothing.  Well, they didn’t bother calling to let us know that the buyer appraised the items.  So, I wrote a long letter to their corporate office, because that’s what I do.

Let me start off by saying that I really wanted to love your store.  I’d never been to a children’s consignment shop before.  My husband and I were hopeful and enthusiastic prior to entering our local One Upon a Child in Pineville, NC.  Then, this happened: 

It was our first time.  We walked into the shop at about 4:45 on Sunday with a box of items.  Excited but unsure, we are complete newbies with no idea about how this procedure works, except from what we read on the website, http://www.onceuponachild.com/how-it-works
 
  1. Bring in your gently used children’s clothing, toys and baby equipment. 
  2. While you check out the great kids stuff in the store, the buyer will review your items. 
  3. The buyer will select and make an offer on the items that meet current style, safety and condition standards, as well as store’s current stock levels.
  4. Once you accept the offer, you’ll be on your way with some extra money, some great new stuff for your kids, or both!
As we walked in, my husband carried a large box of items.  We were greeted with a shout, “Are you guys here to sell items?!”  I thought it was obvious, but my husband and I looked at each other then back at the character from which the abrasive greeting had boomed.  “Yes, if we can.”  He said.  She said that they stop accepting consignments an hour prior to close, but as a courtesy, since it’s our first time, she’d leave the items for the buyer to sort first thing the next morning.  We left our number and all other pertinent information and were hopeful for a call the next day.  
 
There was no call on Monday.  There was no call on Tuesday or Wednesday or Thursday, either.  No offer was made.  Finally, we called them.  They said we have a store credit and the unusable items had been donated.  They said that we had to come back in, as they don’t do business over the phone.
NO ONE TOLD US THAT ON SUNDAY EVENING.  
 
Never, in any conversation, did anyone mention that we needed to return to the store.  I would have taken my stuff back out the door as quickly as we had come in and returned again when it was convenient.  My husband and I work, we couldn’t be there Monday morning.  
 
We told them that we were first time customers, why didn’t they mention that we had to return the next day?  WHY DIDN’T ANYONE MENTION THAT TO US?!  What am I supposed to do with a store credit?  The employees were so rude that I have no reason to return.  Let me clarify, independent of the confusion over the store policies and consignment procedures, the employees with which we had contact were short with us, abrupt, and generally unpleasant.  The others were just kind of milling around the store waiting for the clock to strike 5.  The place wasn’t welcoming and did not feel family friendly.  
 
I signed something, and regrettably it’s possible that it said, “You must return at 9 am tomorrow or else we own your stuff and your first born child,” and I don’t remember.  Your store policies and my inexperience do not excuse the offensive behavior or the employees.  
 
As I close, let me briefly mention another experience on the same day.  After we left Once Upon a Child, we continued our consignment adventure at shop called Mommy and Me, also in the Charlotte area.  Entering the shop, we were greeted with a friendly, “Hey, how are you?”  We were free to peruse the store, which was a trendy, cute boutique style consignment shop.  We made small talk with the lady at the register.  Turns out we love the same television show, but I digress.  She built a relationship with us in the 10 minutes that we shopped, and in the end, her consignment shop made $50 from us that day while Once Upon a Child made $0 (besides the items they purchased from us that will be sold to some other hapless victim).  She was overwhelmingly pleasant.  Did you catch that?  We were overwhelmed by how nice she was.  Blown away.  
 
We were also blown away by Once Upon a Child, but sadly it was for completely different reasons.  In this economy, and when it is so difficult to acquire and keep new customers, I can only hope that you’d be shocked and disappointed with the way the Pineville, NC store is being managed under the Once Upon a Child banner.  We may or may not return to spend our store credit, and will certainly tell friends to avoid the place like the plague.  I don’t really look forward to doing business with you, it’s just not worth it. 
 
Just thought you should know.  Thank you for your time. 
 
So, that already had me feeling empowered.  I’m like the queen of strongly-worded letters!
 
Then, I remembered that my Disney Photopass Photos expire today.  It’s $150 to order a cd of all the images.  But I found a Youtube video with instructions to download large (albeit low-res) files for free.  (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pYuhYDsikg)
 
Image
 
I love this picture so much, I may have to buy the digital download of this one.  It’s the kind of thing I’d have framed on my fireplace.  We all look good, and I LOVE that Mickey outfit but don’t have many pictures of Bruce in it. 
 
Weighed in again, and haven’t gained weight today.  Woot!  
 
We have a dinner date planned tonight with my Great Aunt Sara Beth, and probably my Dad’s cousin Will and his family as well.  Pretty fired up.  
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242 part 2

I made it a point to drink a ton of water yesterday. That’s what you’re supposed to do, right? Today I just feel lost. Maybe it’s because it was 2:30 this afternoon before I ate drank something. I had kale with berries and flax seeds and chia seeds.

I woke up weighing whatever. No loss. Tiny gain, but I’m not focusing on that. I feel bloated. I feel fat. My stomach is sticking out past my boobs. I guess I really need to focus on starting the day with a smoothie. I read that you should drink water as soon as you’re awake to get the body moving, processing.

Yeah, I just let my arm rest on my stomach and I don’t know, I just feel really fat. I don’t know what’s holding me back. I’m eating healthy. Is all this because of a pretzel last night at the racetrack? It wasn’t even that good. Ad I didn’t enjoy eating it because Tom had to wrangle Bruce in the seat beside me the whole time. Late last night I had a bowl of cereal. Was that wrong?

The other night I made “Tule Stew,” which basically means that I made dinner out of whatever I could find in the kitchen. It basically boiled down to a tomato stew with corn and some other vegetables in it. Today I’m making the same thing, but with a southwest flair. Maybe too southwest. It’s pretty spicy. I keep adding stuff to fix it. First, a can of roasted tomatoes. Second, a chicken breast. Third, a cup of water. Fourth, a little brown rice and fifth, quite a bit of quinoa. Still too spicy. Lol. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I hate that I took delicious fresh onions, tomatoes, and corn and burned and boiled them to death.

I’m apprehensive about eating it because it’s not raw or green.
But it’s not McDonalds. Shouldn’t I be proud that I’m making dinner at home and not eating out instead of terrified about some carbs? I just don’t feel balanced. I feel fat and scared. Yesterday I felt trim and happy. One day. All this changed in one day. How can I change it back?!

As a disgusting side note, we’ve ingested quite a bit of corn this week and I haven’t seen heads or tails of it. So, what should i do? Where do i go from here? More water? I’m sure the answer is not to stop eating. That’s what I feel like doing. But I know that’s the wrong thing. Am I stopped up? Is this a menstrual thing? Does not walking for one day make so drastic a difference?

What the heck…

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242

How have I hit a plateau at 242? I don’t understand. I’m doing everything right. ::sigh:: I did drink a LOT of extra water today. Let’s hope that’s got something to do with it. And before you even start with your muscle weighs more than fat stuff, it’s not like I don’t have it to lose. I’m not pumping irons, just changed my eating habits, so there’s no reason for bulking up.

Met a lady walking last night. I walk at midnight to avoid people. But there she was. She was scared of walking by herself. So, I did a lap around the block with her. It was an extra lap for me. I usually do 5 laps to get to 3+ miles, but with my buddy I did 6. Pretty good considering I was ready to go home and throw up after #3.

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breakfast

We’ve got to do something different. The same old thing has left Tom and I morbidly obese. Think about that word. MORBID. Morbid, as in death. Obesity killed 115,000 Americans in 2008… or something like that. I hear the nay-sayers out there, “I’d much rather have 50 happy years than 100 miserable ones.” Tell that to your grandchildren. Personally, I don’t find delighting in the bounty that God has prepared for us miserable. Watermelon is delicious. I love tomatoes. I love the rainbow of produce and get excited about natural food resources, living off the farm the way my ancestors did. Why should I eat man-made rice puffs when something like walnut granola is so accessible? I’m not miserable.

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So, I bust out my granola this morning and was furious at how deceptive this “good” company was in their packaging. The actual cereal doesn’t even fill the box halfway.

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Furious that is, until I pulled out the Rice Krispes box. Also deceptive. When you compare what you get for your money, it’s not such a bad deal eating right. The Rice Krispies box is HUGE! The bag inside is pretty much full to the top, but…

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I tried reading the nutritional values and couldn’t really make heads or tails of it. I guess there’s a learning curve.

I think a lot about the ’80s and what our parents fed us growing up. The ’90s, too. I ate a lot of Doritos. I ate canned vegetables. I ate Velveeta Shells n’ Cheese. I ate a lot of bread, chicken nuggets, Twinkies, Oatmeal Creme Pies, Oreos, grilled cheese, pudding cups and the soda… oh my God, the soda. All of these are fine once in a while, but when your diet is comprised of these things it can be deadly. (MORBIDly obese, right?) the only good thing on my list was canned vegetables and look how greatly it is outnumbered by all the junk! Soda for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Huge cups. At the height of my glory, I’d say I drank a 2 liter a day by myself. Coke’s not going to kill you, but holy balls there is nothing moderate about that.

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I want to be with this guy forever. I know I’ll go long before he does, but I want to see HIM become a grandfather. I want him to know Big Macs are not food. He’s given me motivation to do a lot of things: save money, find a church, and become the picture of health.

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