That La Kid

wishin' an' hopin'!

omgomgomgomg

So close to being out of the 230s forever.  So close.  232.2.  The dress I wore to Erika’s wedding is big on me.  It’s not potato sack big, but it’s definitely, “hmm, this isn’t as flattering as I recall” big.  The dress that I wore to my parents’ wedding (MY PARENTS’ WEDDING!!!!) is also a little on the roomy side.  It fits, and I’m wearing it to a wedding this weekend.  It’s comfortable, not huge.  However, the dress that I wore to Will and Jamie’s wedding fits, and it didn’t always.  Woot!

omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg… this is happening.

That’s just diet.  (Not dieting.  Not temporarily restricting my calories, but deciding to change what I habitually eat as a person, and what we eat as a family, to food instead of “food products.”)  Imagine if I had also been running all this week.

Tom is on day 3 of a 3 day juice fast.  We checked his blood pressure last night and it is alarmingly high.  I am hoping that if he can lose about 25 lbs. it will start to work itself out.  But I don’t know, his dad is in the ideal bodyweight range and he has high blood pressure.

“Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food”
― Hippocrates

Did you know that while the weight limit of a bouncy castle is 800 lbs, it’s limited to 160 lbs per individual?  I’d like to be able to bounce in a bouncy castle someday.

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ermagherd! strerss!

I had a very happy birthday week.  When I left Charlotte and headed towards Charlottesville for Labor Day, my weight was at an all-time low of 232.8.  (Well, all-time so far in this new weight loss journey.  Obviously, I’ve been that weight before.)  I got on the scale at my Dad’s house at some point at it said 239.something.  I assumed it was wrong.  I was feeling like I must be 230 when I weighed in the last time at his house at 237.  When I got home, I was still around 236.  Today, I am 235.  Man.  Three pounds.  Do you know how hard it was to get to 232?  Tom brought up a valid point, that I’m forever out of the 240s.  I remember dancing between 238 and 241 and hating myself.  I tell you what, 232-235 doesn’t feel much better.

I read somewhere that when our ancestors felt the stress of famine, or winter, or a big sabertooth tiger, they would eat as part of their body’s reaction.  Nowadays, we have different stresses.  No famine.  (That’s for sure.)  Things like deadlines affect our bodies much like the sabertooth, and our subconscious is like, “Ah! Stress! We may not survive! Pack on calories! Survive! Survive! Survive!”

I’m sure you think it’s bullcrap.  I did.  Until today.  Today, I am stressing and I just want to eat.  I had a lot of cake over the past 3 days, but now the cake is gone.  So, hopefully we can get back on track.  I feel so stressed.  The house is a wreck.  I MUST finish some illustrations and I’m just not feeling motivated.  I’ve got to find time to jog at some point.  It’s Wednesday!  I haven’t jogged at all this week!  We bought a piece of furniture from World Market and the doors don’t close the way they’re supposed to.  I spent a whole day putting it together, all for the final piece, the door, to not fit properly.  I wasted a whole day that I should have spent illustrating!

There’s nothing to do about that now but sigh and move on.  I have to take the thing back to World Market, because I’m not keeping a messed up one, and probably put another one together.  I guess that doesn’t have to happen today, or even this week.  So, I need to let that go.

I also can’t find my very expensive Nikon.  I thought it was in the truck for a long time.  Then, I assumed I took it to Easter in Virginia, but I didn’t have it to take pictures.  I never had that “AH!” moment when I realized that I left it in a cab or something.  We had it when we went to get Bruce’s picture taken with the Easter Bunny.  That’s the last time I remember having it.  I hope beyond hope that it’s at my parents’ house, but no one has seen it.  I’m devastated.  The loss keeps me up at night and the sleep depravation = more stress.

My plan is to be 225 by Bruce’s party on 9/28.  215 by Halloween would be nice.  205 by Thanksgiving would feel spectacular.  And while we’re setting goals, lets see what we can do about being under 200 by Christmas, 195 to be specific.

I’m going to see if I can get the scale down to 229 by Sunday.  I just have to lose the pounds I accidentally put back on with cake and then 3 more.  I already feel things starting to settle back down.  I ate out for lunch today with my Great Aunt Sara Beth, so there’s no reason for me to go out and have a big sit-down meal.  A few smoothies should do the trick, fill me with healthy veggies, and motivate me to stay motivated.

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235.4

15 POUNDS!!!

Verifiable.  Unverifiable, maybe as much as 25 lbs.  I’m SO elated to have quit bouncing around the 238-240 mark.

And the kicker, like the icing on the cake is that I feel GREAT.

We’re heading to WDW to celebrate my 30th birthday this weekend, and I’m already packed.  Bruce’s 1st Birthday invitations should go out as soon as we get back (or I could take them to Fl. and have them post marked Walt Disney World) and they’re already designed.  Printing will probably be an all-day thing, but I’ve got TWO DAYS ’til we leave that won’t be full of packing/preparing for this trip.

Plus, I ordered most of the pieces of my outfit for a steampunk wedding that I’m going to next month, and they all fit.  It’s really starting to come together.

Maybe I shouldn’t be disclosing my weight.  Hm.  OR!  Maybe weight, like age, is just a crappy number.  I mean, society can judge me by that.  That’s fine.  But that’s not who I am.  And, I mean, really, as I’ve said before, you can get all in a huff about that number, but it’s not like I can hide it.  I wear my shame around my body every day.  And yeah, I am ashamed of it.  A lot of “husky” folks may not be, but I am.  I feel super uncomfortable in my own skin.   I’m always tugging at my clothes and hiding behind other people in pictures and leaning on walls at parties.  That’s not to say that I will feel more at home my thinner skin, but when I was thinner back in the day, I was more comfortable.

I’m suddenly addicted to Simple and Fit Veggie Omelets from IHOP made with egg whites, mushrooms and spinach.

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kind of a good news bad news situation

According to my scale, I’ve lost about 15 lbs. However… my scale isn’t really reading right. I could sway and adjust it. I could shift my feet and lose 10 lbs. We bought a new one, and according to the new scale I am 15 lbs. heavier than I thought I was.

All is not lost. I don’t feel like I’m back at square one. I just wish I knew exactly what my starting point was. I feel leaner. I feel more energetic. My clothes fit differently. The measurement is different, but it doesn’t negate the work. It just means I was starting higher than I thought. The only thing that bugs me is that the old scale was pretty accurate during my pregnancy.

Starting from right here, I’d like to lose 100 lbs. in a year or less.

Geez, exactly how fat was I before?!?!

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sipping on kale

I’m not saying anything, I’m just saying that I’m not busting out of my fat pants today.  No significant loss, but I feel good.  No weight or inches lost, but my fat pants are loose again. 

And that’s with just 2 days of “wogging” with a walk in between them.  I think I could do this.  I think I could quietly sip on kale smoothies and work or play with Bruce or watch tv.  I wonder what would happen to my body if I ate a solid foundation of fruits and veggies for the next 7 years.  (I only say that because most of your cells regenerate every 7 years or something, so what if all my regenerating cells were made of spinach and strawberries instead of fries?)

I don’t know if people were meant to run.  I know we can… I am just trying to think of a scenario besides running from a sabor tooth tiger in which my ancestors would have been running 26.2 miles.  Even the tiger wouldn’t have chased them that long.  Who came up with the idea for a marathon?  What a compelling testament to endurance – holy smokes!  Is it a Greek think?  I feel like somebody was running somewhere to tell someone something about a war.  Or something. 

Yeah! 

It is said that he ran the entire distance without stopping and burst into the assembly, exclaiming “νενικηκαμεν’ (nenikekamen)”, (“We wοn”), before collapsing and dying.

COLLAPSING AND DYING.

So why do we do it?

Future Wendy, if you’re reading this: you feel good.  Remember this moment.  Try it again.  I know you succumbed to the cheese fries at Outback and feel gross.  That’s no reason to give up.  Have a (can’t believe I’m buying into it) NutriBlast and keep moving forward.  

We believe in you. 

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this is happening

I wonder if I could make this my life.

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I don’t know if i can do it or not. I just know that I don’t want to be big anymore. Don’t like being jolly or sassy and I want an average sized rowboat to be able to hold me without capsizing.

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