Sooo… I’ve been REALLY bummed out since we got home from Virginia for multiple reasons. For starters, I had the best time with Mom, Uncle Haley, Great Auntie Cray Cray and Do-Something Sunny. The best. It was a long, hard drive home. We didn’t get in until about 6 am. The three of us still haven’t fully recovered. Tom got a whole hour of sleep before he had to go to work, but he was still great yesterday. We had Chipotle, picked up the dog, had her bathed and went to Sam’s to get smoothie stuff. It was a busy day.
My weight… oh my gosh, my weight. That’s where a lot of my bummed-outness comes from. Before we left, I swear I was down to 236, but it was kind of like the 2 weeks leading up to the CEF deadline when I was in school. I remember Mr. Reese saying, “I don’t know about you guys…” and then talking about his weight being all over the place. I’d been working similarly hard on some illustrations during the week leading up to the reunion. Anyway, when we got back, I was 243. I said, “okay, fine, no big deal. On in two days, off in two.” Here I am in the 7th inning stretch of the second day back home and I am at 239. It’s possible I could wake up at 236, but I highly doubt it. I’m scared to eat something and add weight, I’m scared that if I don’t eat anything my body will go on lock down.
Never mind 50% of what i just said, because Tom just told me it was 238, not 236. Anyway…
Anyway, I’m reigning in these thoughts and at the same time, entering my weight on MyDailyPlate.com when it hit me:
I lost 10 lbs. in a month. That has been my goal all along, and holy shit, I’m actually doing it. I almost typed, “it’s happening,” but then it occurred to me, it’s not just happening to me. I’m doing it. The idea is to get rid of fifty pounds by Christmas, almost a hundred by next June 16.
According to whoever decides these things, a BMI over 25 is overweight. For me to fall into the normal category, I have to be at 154 pounds or less. If I can hit that mark, I think I’ll actually have lost 105 lbs. total, although I can’t verify that because I was in complete denial at that weight.
If I can keep it off for a year, all kinds of fun things are in store for me, including the most amazing trip to Disney World that I’ve ever taken. We’ll stay in the best room, go on a fireworks cruise aboard a yacht, tour the Utilidors– basically whatever I want.
It’s going to be tricky. I suddenly feel in a rush to make babies because I’m 30. I got a late start. I wanted to start around 25, and I didn’t get that going until 29. I’m running a 10k in February, so I’d really like to wait until after that to get pregnant. Is it worth sacrificing my weight goals to make a little sister for Bruce? Maybe I could have a “normal” pregnancy, with the kind of weight fluctuations that most women have, and in addition, one without gestational diabetes.
I ordered a corset for a Steam Punk wedding in September. I hope it fits, I hope it’s not the kind of thing that will be huge on me if I do lose more weight.
We did some grown-up stuff last night, and Tom said that it feels better, closer.
I don’t think of myself as a fat girl. I think of myself as that healthy, confident girl that I was in college. Just have to wait for my body to catch up.
The day I graduated high school, this girl came up to me and said that whatever I did, she knew I’d be great. First, I thought, “okay, is this some kind of nerd outreach program?” Then, I thought that it was a tremendous amount of pressure. And here I am 12 years down the road. What great, amazing thing have I accomplished? I’m not an acclaimed author/illustrator. Didn’t make it as an animator. Maybe this is my big deal. Maybe this is my great thing. Maybe I’ll lose 100 lbs. and keep it off for the rest of my life.
That La Kid 
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