That La Kid

wishin' an' hopin'!

242 part 2

on July 17, 2013

I made it a point to drink a ton of water yesterday. That’s what you’re supposed to do, right? Today I just feel lost. Maybe it’s because it was 2:30 this afternoon before I ate drank something. I had kale with berries and flax seeds and chia seeds.

I woke up weighing whatever. No loss. Tiny gain, but I’m not focusing on that. I feel bloated. I feel fat. My stomach is sticking out past my boobs. I guess I really need to focus on starting the day with a smoothie. I read that you should drink water as soon as you’re awake to get the body moving, processing.

Yeah, I just let my arm rest on my stomach and I don’t know, I just feel really fat. I don’t know what’s holding me back. I’m eating healthy. Is all this because of a pretzel last night at the racetrack? It wasn’t even that good. Ad I didn’t enjoy eating it because Tom had to wrangle Bruce in the seat beside me the whole time. Late last night I had a bowl of cereal. Was that wrong?

The other night I made “Tule Stew,” which basically means that I made dinner out of whatever I could find in the kitchen. It basically boiled down to a tomato stew with corn and some other vegetables in it. Today I’m making the same thing, but with a southwest flair. Maybe too southwest. It’s pretty spicy. I keep adding stuff to fix it. First, a can of roasted tomatoes. Second, a chicken breast. Third, a cup of water. Fourth, a little brown rice and fifth, quite a bit of quinoa. Still too spicy. Lol. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I hate that I took delicious fresh onions, tomatoes, and corn and burned and boiled them to death.

I’m apprehensive about eating it because it’s not raw or green.
But it’s not McDonalds. Shouldn’t I be proud that I’m making dinner at home and not eating out instead of terrified about some carbs? I just don’t feel balanced. I feel fat and scared. Yesterday I felt trim and happy. One day. All this changed in one day. How can I change it back?!

As a disgusting side note, we’ve ingested quite a bit of corn this week and I haven’t seen heads or tails of it. So, what should i do? Where do i go from here? More water? I’m sure the answer is not to stop eating. That’s what I feel like doing. But I know that’s the wrong thing. Am I stopped up? Is this a menstrual thing? Does not walking for one day make so drastic a difference?

What the heck…

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