Let me tell you about Tom’s birthday and how bad of a wife I am.
For starters, I decided that I wasn’t going to just apologize at the end of the day, and be all, “Sorry about not getting you a card, or a cake, or a gift.” I decided I’d run out and get a cake from the Chinese bakery first thing in the morning. Wouldn’t he be surprised! I bet he’d be proud, too, “you found your way without me?!” as well as honored, “You did all this for me?!”
As soon as Bruce was up and at ’em, I got him diapered, dressed, and drinked, then strapped him into his car seat. Alright, keys… keys… I think they’re in the truck. I opened the garage door, the truck wasn’t there. The truck, the car seat base, my purse, my money… it was all in the truck in Uptown with Tom. Fantastic.
No problem, no problem. I’ll just take Tom when he gets home. We hired a babysitter for Bruce for the very first time. Had to clean up the house, because heaven forbid people see and judge our sloppiness. (We are sloppy.) So, Happy Birthday, Tom! You get to come home and vacuum! Woo hoo!
So, we headed out to Grand Asia Market. Tom said, “I think they’re closed,” as we left the house. No. No way, I checked. They’re open 10 am – 8 pm. We parked and watched someone walk up to the store, pause, and retreat to their car. Wtf. We watched similar processions.
They WERE closed!
I do not understand. The day that I need them…
Tom was relatively unscathed. Dinner and a movie? Tom said that scenario always seemed backwards to him. You should go to the movie first, so if the date is a complete bust then you can at least talk about the movie over dinner. The man had a point (although to be fair, how could my date be a bust?).
Alright, a movie… what movie?
The Great Gatsby? That was supposed to be our Mother’s Day date. We’re going to see that on Friday at the Drive-In. Iron Man 3? Sure. But I probably should have tried to see 1 & 2 first. Star Trek starts at 7:30 and it’s already 7, so we wouldn’t get out until something after 10, no time for dinner. We have to try and get the babysitter home at a somewhat decent hour. “This is the End?”
“What’s that about?”
“That’s the one with EVERYBODY in it.”
“Oh, yeeeeeah. That looked funny.”
“Okay.”
I thought it was hilarious. I liked that all the people played themselves. But, you know, I liked it the way I liked Hot Tub Time Machine, as opposed to the way that I liked The Wedding Singer. More importantly, Tom would probably have much rather seen any of the other aforementioned flicks.
When the movie was over, we decided we should probably get something semi-quick. Tom mentioned Wendy’s, but we had a late Burger King lunch so I wasn’t feeling it. We were going to go to this place called Cantina 1511 that we love. It’s a dressed up Mexican and Tex-Mex restaurant. It was already 9:15. We didn’t have a whole lot of time… We like Boneheads. We could eat outside. That could be good. Nice. Romantic. Quick. Okay, Boneheads it is.
Boneheads was closed. Not closed, but closing. They close at 10. Tom walked in and instead of ordering, he said, “are you guys open?” They said, “uh, not rea– sort of. The grills are already shut down but if you want something fried…”
Okay, let’s just take the babysitter home and go to the Mid-Night Diner.
Tom got lost on the way to the babysitter’s house. So, when we finally got to Uptown it was 10:30, pushing 11. There was no parking at the diner. Surely there’s something in Charlotte, maybe something we’ve never had before.
There wasn’t.
Everything was closed. Everything.
Ooh, except a bakery. We found a 24 hour bakery. Tom, Bruce and I went in and I said, “It’s his birthday, we need to get this guy a cake.” Bakery dude told us what his favorites were and sold us on a lemon cake.
“Let me just check in the back.”
Guess what?
No effing lemon cake in the back.
Great. Wonderful. Fantastic. We settled for a slice each.
We continued to drive around in search of not-fast food, but since it was already 11:30 we settled for the first “Open 24 Hours” sign we saw. It was a place called Skyland. It wasn’t bad, but it didn’t scream birthday celebration. Oh, and icing on the cake, pun intended, was that as soon as Tom went into Skyland to order take-out, Bruce decided he was mad as hell and not going to take it anymore and that he’d just scream bloody murder until we got home. A solid 30 minutes of inconsolable tantrum.
So, my plan was Tom’s favorite dessert waiting for him, a card, a present, romantic dinner and a movie, come home to a sleeping Bruce and fall asleep in each other’s arms.
Movie tickets were $21 for two people. Add the babysitter, and our date cost $51. Fifty bucks to see an okay movie.
Tom doesn’t see it that way. He really enjoyed his late-night Philly Cheesesteak. Mine was okay. He thought the movie was funny. He got a slice of really good cake.
I hate it. Last year we didn’t do anything. This year didn’t live up to my expectations at all. I just feel like a terrible wife. He left the truck for me today, “just in case,” he says. So, what does that mean? He expects a card tonight? It’s too late. I already sucked. Forget it. Plus, I am behind in freelance stuff, so, yeah… looks like a belated e-card kind of year. Pathetic.
That La Kid 
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