I’ve noticed this a lot lately. A mom and a dad are out with the kids… let’s say walking around a theme park, or Downtown Charlottesville, anyway – they’re just walking, the whole family. But DAD is 20 feet ahead of mom – who is pushing the 2 year old in the stroller and holding her 5 year-old’s hand. I saw a guy in a movie theater – gosh, where was I… I can’t remember the last movie I saw – Dude’s walkin’ up the stadium seats cheesin’ down a cold soda – STADIUM! It was a UVA game! – Dude’s walkin’ up to his seat, chill and relaxed, while his wife is carrying an infant and walking a little 3 year old up the steep steps trying her best not to fall over. Don’t you LOVE that woman?! She gave you 2 kids. Don’t you want to be her hero?! What the FRENCH, toast?! Remember when you married that girl, and you were all like, “cherish” and “honor” and “love unconditionally?” What are you doing up there? Zoning out! Wake up! Why are you even out as a family? To be… with… the family, AMIRITE?! So – – GO BE WITH YOUR WIFE AND FAMILY, Dickwad.
And take off that fanny pack, you look ridiculous. The Crocs, too. You’re not a baby on the beach or an old lady gardening.
Where is your family, and why didn’t any of them love you enough to tell you that this was a bad idea?
That La Kid 
Tom is actually really good about making my life easier when we’re out. He always carries the camera (and every other) bag for me at Disney World. He’s really a champ when it comes to this stuff.